Letting Go of Regret: Finding Peace at the End of Life
At the end of life, many people are faced with one of the heaviest burdens—regret. Whether it’s missed opportunities, unspoken words, or paths not taken, these regrets can cloud the final moments, leaving people with a sense of unfinished business. As a death doula, I’ve witnessed how powerful the weight of regret can be, but I’ve also seen the profound transformation that can occur when we learn to release it.
Regret is often rooted in the belief that we could have been happier if we’d made different choices. But the truth is, we can never know for certain how things would have turned out had we chosen differently. In fact, that alternate path may have brought even more challenges and heartache. The past, no matter how painful, is unchangeable. And while it’s natural to reflect on what could have been, it’s important to remember that the present moment is where peace can truly be found.
For many facing the end of life, there’s a desire to go back and do things differently. But I always remind those I work with: you are here, you are now, and your life is not measured by the “what ifs.” The choices you made, the relationships you nurtured, and the lessons you learned along the way are part of the unique story that only you could live. Regret tells us that we missed something, but in truth, every experience—good or bad—has led us to where we are today, and that is a place where peace can be found.
Instead of focusing on the past, I encourage my clients to shift their energy to what they can still do in their final moments. It might be as simple as expressing love to a friend, forgiving themselves for past mistakes, or finding gratitude for the life they’ve lived. This shift can be deeply healing.
The concept of regret is not new. Bronnie Ware, in her book The Five Regrets of the Dying, notes that many people on their deathbeds express deep regret over things they didn’t do or didn’t say. What’s fascinating is how often those regrets revolve around the same themes: not living authentically, not expressing feelings, or not giving enough time to what truly mattered. I’ve seen this first-hand in my work, where letting go of past regrets allows a person to embrace the present and find peace.
In my own journey, I’ve had to learn to let go of regrets, especially as I’ve faced personal crossroads. Life is a collection of moments, not perfect paths. And just as we can offer a person nearing the end of their life the chance to let go of regret, we can also learn to embrace it for ourselves. We are all human, and perfection is not the measure of a meaningful life. Our courage, compassion, and ability to love are what truly define us.
As a death doula, I strive to help others see that regret is not a final destination—it’s a feeling that can be released, just like anything else. The final moments of life are meant to be filled with peace, acceptance, and love—not with imagined pasts. By embracing this, we can find comfort in knowing that, no matter what, we lived the best life we could have, and that’s enough.
Sally🌹
“Embracing the Journey”